Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Faux Chipotle Burrito Bowls

I love Chipotle.  I mean, who doesn't?  The food is so good and they make your burritos so FAST!  And they are quite generous with the guacamole, which is the best indication of a good restaurant in my book.   FACT - Chipotle and Chick-Fil-A are the only acceptable fast food restaurants in all the land.

I've enjoyed burritos at Chipotle more times than I can count, but there is one burrito that I consider to be the most memorable and the most delicious.  It was the one I ate after my first session with a personal trainer.

For some reason, a couple of years back, I thought it would be idea to get a personal trainer.  The way I saw it is, if I decided to be a lazy waste of space and skip the gym, I would essentially be fined for my laziness (because if you skip a personal training session, the charge you anyway.  How rude!).  Plus, someone would show me how to get buff and push me harder than I usually push myself.  Plus, I figured they might scream at me and make me cry, since I work better under pressure and take advantage of people who are too nice to me (except for my friends and family, of course).  Seemed like a foolproof plan!  I told him that I was a former athlete (true story) and that although I was CURRENTLY out of shape, I had the POTENTIAL to be in really good shape and that I'd like to try to get back there, and pronto.  He suggested circuit training, and I said, "sure, sounds great!!!"

Big mistake.  BIG.  HUGE!  My personal trainer was a 17 year old kid who was like 5'2" and 100 pounds soaking wet.  And he kicked my behind and then kicked it again just for fun.  At one point, I asked him if it was normal that I tasted blood and that I couldn't feel either butt cheek.  Evidently not, because at this point he did let me finally get a drink of water.  I practically had to crawl to the water fountain.  And then he made me do more squats even though I couldn't feel my butt.  And said that tasting blood was character building.

When it was mercifully over, I managed to get to my car and then literally had to sit there for 20 minutes before driving off because I couldn't lift my arms to the steering wheel.  It was that bad.  But once I regained use of my limbs, I drove myself directly to Chipotle and got me a burrito.  It was the best thing I've ever tasted, to this very day.  It was amazing. 

And it contained 1200 calories.  That's quite likely more than the calories I burned during the personal training session from hell.  That is the kind of stuff I do all the time!  Gah!  Its the very definition of counter-productive, yes?  This whole concept is probably why I've only been at my goal weight like once in my life.  And that didn't even last long because I got older (and richer) and discovered my love for nice restaurants and fancy wine.

So, the moral of this story is, if you are looking to MAINTAIN your weight, hire a personal trainer and eat Chipotle after every session.  Works like a charm.

P.S. - Since I've recently gotten serious about getting in shape, I have only eaten Chipotle once.  And it was a salad with no dressing, no cheese, and no sour cream.  It was...not as good as a burrito.  But better for the size of my midsection.

Anyway, because I love Chipotle so much, I decided to try making it at home.  This is less of a "recipe" and more of an "idea".  And the idea is to think of all the things they put in a Chipotle bowl or salad, make them at home, and put them in a bowl.  That's, uh, about it.

Faux Chipotle Burrito Bowl Bar

What You'll Need:
Shredded chicken (I cheated and used a rotisserie chicken)
Black Beans
Sauteed onions and peppers
Fresh corn, cut from cob
Rice with lime juice and chopped cilantro (not pictured)
Shredded romaine
Fresh Salsa, recipe below

Set up burrito bowl bar with above ingredients.  Make a bowl.  Eat it.

Lauren's Salsa Fresca
Source: My friend Lauren

1 medium onion, roughly chopped
1 or 2 jalapenos, roughly chopped with seeds
1 can fire roasted tomatoes
1/4 bunch cilantro
salt and pepper to taste
juice of 1 lime

Combine all ingredients except the lime juice and salt/pepper in a food processor until desired consistency.  Add in lime juice and salt and pepper to taste


  1. Haha, I love the "recipe." Make a bowl and eat it! Well said. :) I've thought about getting a personal trainer...after I pop out some babies. I'll need someone to yell at me to get back into shape. Your experience sounds like hell!

  2. Woohoo, I finally figured out how to post a commment! You will definitely start hearing from me more than you would like:)